From blood-letting, leeches, and drilling sculls to relieve pressure, to lobotomies and forced sterilizations, medical professionals have tried quite a few things on the public. Some things have been incredibly wise and helpful, while others have been neutral or harmful. And they’re not the only ones. Politicians, judges, legal and corrections systems. Churches. Education systems. You don’t have to be Jesus to say, “a tree is known by it’s fruit.” There sure is a lot of rot. Perhaps only the DMV has stayed in its lane. 

True science involves comparing various things and making observations. Then making some changes and taking additional observations. For example, a good research question for a religious entity could be, “Are the children of our believers more likely to carry on the religion based on the kind of school they go to?” In that realm, my personal unscientific observation, which we call anecdotal, is that I seem to meet more “believers” among Catholics who experienced public education rather than among those who experienced an intended “Catholic” education. Of course, exceptions happen, but that’s rarely the goal of an enterprise (e.g., “Gee, I hope we get some exceptions who still take us seriously after all this”).

In this endeavor I am arming (per the 1st not 2nd amendment) comedically inclined people at any level of marginalization to be available to help suffering neighbors worldwide. Ask me more about this or get on my list. 

This is not a money-making scheme. It’s volunteer based.

Click on the next title to read it. 

It’s pretty common to believe “comedy is the best medicine,” but established medicine has done very little with this concept, or observation, or hypothesis. Isn’t it time to test it?

I believe we should be doing more with this kind of giftedness. Instead of comedians dwelling on vast amounts of pornography and self-stimulation, why not have these funny, clever, hyper-intelligent people save lives and put the Able back into abled bodies? 

When you’re in an utter life crisis, contemplating as “solutions” things like suicide or shooting up a school or place of enjoyment, who better to talk to than a vile morbid comedian? Anything to break through the person’s isolation can be a game-changer.

Imagine a largely undisciplined, uninformed, virtual army of comedians lying down by our crisis hotlines, ready to help the growing number of people who are contemplating unthinkable unspeakable things. Who else already has such readiness to engage without threat of repercussions? Comedians already discuss the unspeakable, out loud, on a very regular basis, from a stage, on a microphone! 

If you’re certifiable, please volunteer to take some calls. I am assembling a vast network to cover the USA and then the world, day and night. Starting humbly of course. I am currently developing criteria and welcome conversation about it. 

I and other therapists will provide free training and eventually proclaim you a Doctor of Comedic Intervention. Perhaps we’ll become known as DC comics. Something to marvel at.

Worried you’ll get stuck? We’ll talk about that. Come up with a gameplan. I doubt you’ll make anything worse. When learning CPR I was reminded to relax, breathe, and recall, “It’s their emergency, not mine.”  

You already have the unteachable skills. Improv is all about keeping a ball rolling. Of course, sometimes we do just have to end it all, or a call, but that’s not what we’re hereafter. 

Click the next title to continue.

So, there’s often an assumption that the most helpful people will be the most educated, or capable, or recognized by some diplomas or certificates or ribbons or military stripes. That can all be like nice leaves on a rotten tree. Jesus said that too.

But I’m not entirely against some rottenness. Manure accomplishes quite a lot, just by being in touch with itself, or with others. And the bacteria ain’t complaining either. 

We just need people ready to listen, to comment, to challenge, to poke fun. Real people who may have considered the same things crossing your own mind right now. Fantasies. Violence. Undone laundry.

Most of us don’t need people who are horrified by what we are thinking. Instead we need open ears, even agreement about what we or others deserve, even if we ought not to carry it out. “Your oughts are not my oughts, saith the Lord.”

Jesus didn’t come to bring etiquette or good manners. Maybe bacon, though. That alone has been Good News. Anyway, this work is not for pious ears. Sailors welcome.

Click on the next title to read it.

Similar to how our universities are leaving people poor and jobless, I can’t promise any income from this endeavor, but I believe it will have good outcomes. I believe that people will show appreciation for things like saving their lives or keeping them out of jail. Maybe not. 

I can’t imagine “charging” for the knowledge and wisdom I wish to share, nor you charging like an ambulance with an ATM on board. 

But check out what I found in the Hippocratic Oath: “ἡγήσεσθαι μὲν τὸν διδάξαντά με τὴν τέχνην ταύτην ἴσα γενέτῃσιν ἐμοῖς, καὶ βίου κοινώσεσθαι, καὶ χρεῶν χρηΐζοντι μετάδοσιν ποιήσεσθαι, καὶ γένος τὸ ἐξ αὐτοῦ ἀδελφοῖς ἴσον ἐπικρινεῖν ἄρρεσι, καὶ διδάξειν τὴν τέχνην ταύτην, ἢν χρηΐζωσι μανθάνειν, ἄνευ μισθοῦ καὶ συγγραφῆς, παραγγελίης τε καὶ ἀκροήσιος καὶ τῆς λοίπης ἁπάσης μαθήσιος μετάδοσιν ποιήσεσθαι υἱοῖς τε ἐμοῖς καὶ τοῖς τοῦ ἐμὲ διδάξαντος, καὶ μαθητῇσι συγγεγραμμένοις τε καὶ ὡρκισμένοις νόμῳ ἰητρικῷ, ἄλλῳ δὲ οὐδενί.”

Ok, in English: “To hold my teacher in this art equal to my own parents; to make him partner in my livelihood; when he is in need of money to share mine with him; to consider his family as my own brothers, and to teach them this art, if they want to learn it, without fee or indenture; to impart precept, oral instruction, and all other instruction to my own sons, the sons of my teacher, and to indentured pupils who have taken the Healer’s oath, but to nobody else.” 

While there will be no charge or expectation of financial tips for our life savers, perhaps we will develop a donor base. I plan to spread any such benefits to the volunteers.

Click on the next title to read it.

There may never be a State- or Church-sanctioned entity that will openly allow discussion of suicide, murder, revenge, or other topics for the arts. But during this time in history we are thus far free from any official predictions of what will best help a person in dire straights, with money for nothing. 

Naysayers will be quite offended and shocked by what a comedian might say at any given moment. It could be logical, genius, random, ridiculous. This too is science, since the status quo is the “control group” and I believe we can do much better. 

* BTW I am not promoting any form of carelessness or depravity. I still think we should still follow this dictum from Hippocrates. “Into whatsoever houses I enter [including via electronic means], I will enter to help the sick, and I will abstain from all intentional wrong-doing and harm, especially from abusing the bodies of man or woman, bond or free. And whatsoever I shall see or hear in the course of my profession, as well as outside my profession in my intercourse with men, if it be what should not be published abroad, I will never divulge, holding such things to be holy secrets.” Amen.